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Yours, Mine, and Ours: Smart Money Moves for Remarried Couples

ByMichael

Blending Love, Lives, and Finances

Falling in love the second (or third) time around often comes with more than emotional baggage—financial history, assets, and sometimes even kids and grandkids involved.

Whether merging bank accounts, managing child support obligations, or navigating stepfamily expenses, getting on the same page about money is essential for a strong, stress-free marriage.

While love may be the foundation, financial clarity is the blueprint. Here’s how to make “Yours, Mine, and Ours” work together in your new chapter.

Financial Red Flags to Address Before Remarrying

Remarrying means more than just combining households—it means combining financial habits, obligations, and expectations.

Before saying “I do” again, watch out for these potential red flags:

  • Unresolved financial baggage – Are there lingering debts or credit issues from the past? Bankruptcy, foreclosures, or unpaid obligations from a prior marriage should be addressed upfront.
  • Child support and alimony payments – If you are responsible for financial obligations to an ex-spouse or children from a previous marriage, ensure these commitments are communicated and planned.
  • Different money management styles – One of you may be a meticulous budgeter while the other takes a more relaxed approach. Finding a middle ground is key.
  • Expectations around inheritance and estate planning – Remarried couples often have children from prior relationships. Have you discussed how assets will be distributed? If not, it’s time to start.
  • Financial independence vs. shared responsibility – Are you maintaining separate accounts, combining everything, or taking a hybrid approach? Clarity is crucial.

The “Yours, Mine, and Ours” Approach

Every couple handles money differently, but remarried couples often benefit from a “Yours, Mine, and Ours” structure to maintain independence while building a financial future together.

Here’s how it works:

“Yours” (Individual Finances)

  • Retirement accounts, investments, or savings from before your marriage.
  • Income that supports personal financial goals or responsibilities (like child support).
  • Separate credit cards to maintain individual financial independence.

“Mine” (Personal Expenses)

  • Debt one spouse brought into the marriage (student loans, past divorce settlements, etc.).
  • Personal spending money or discretionary funds.
  • Separate emergency funds if preferred.

“Ours” (Shared Finances)

  • A joint account for household expenses like rent/mortgage, utilities, and groceries.
  • Savings for shared goals (vacations, home buying, retirement).
  • A mutual plan for big purchases and lifestyle choices.

Blending Finances: The 10-Step Checklist

Before you fully merge your financial lives, work through this checklist together:

1. Lay out all financial obligations.

2. Review of both credit reports.

3. Decide on joint vs. separate accounts.

4. Discuss estate planning and any potential inheritances.

5. Set financial boundaries.

6. Discuss financial and retirement planning.

7. Create a family budget together.

8. Update beneficiaries on all retirement and insurance accounts.

9. Define how major financial decisions will be made.

10. Schedule regular financial check-ins.

Final Thoughts: Love, Trust, and Financial Clarity

Blending lives after a previous marriage comes with unique financial challenges, but open conversations and clear planning can make it easier. The key is communication, respect, and setting expectations upfront.

Marriage is about building a future together, but that doesn’t mean erasing your financial past. With the right approach, you can create a financial plan that supports your needs and shared goals.

So, before you say “I do” again, ensure your financial future is designed for success.

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    Wasted Time

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    What is wasted time?
    Unscheduled, unplanned time doing the simple things of life
    As kids out summers were spent riding our bikes, playing in the creek or playing any game we could make up. All of this was outside and required very little parental supervision.
    Ain’t it funny how the best days of my life was all that wasted time
    – lyric from Keith Urban’s song – Wasted Time
    Today, I observe adults and children over scheduled with activities and over connected with every electronic device possible. Wasted time is where creativity is created.
    We are the “Attachment Generation”.
    Based on my observation about us becoming the “Attachement Generation”, I began to pose this question to friends and clients in my conversations.
    “What is your daily routine and how connected are you”.
    The #1 answer was – immediately when I get up or I take my phone to bed with me.
    I would get the answers and ask my favorite question – why?
    Why do you have to keep your phone with you, even taking it to bed?
    Why do you immediately look at it when you wake up, no matter the time of the night?
    They answered with various reasons that attempted to make the attachment to their phone seem normal.
    This simple idea of not having your smart phone with you 365/24/7 caused people stress.
    “When people are so plugged into their devices around the clock, they often lose the ability to be fully present to themselves and to other people,” says Jeffrey Rossman, Ph.D., director of Life Management ar Canyon Ranch in Lenox, Massachusetts. “It negatively impacts our peace of mind and relationships with others.”
    When is the last time you had “Wasted Time?”
    If “I can’t remember” is your answer then you have become part of the Attachment Generation. It is time for a digital detox and some “Wasted Time”.
    Take my seven steps toward finding your Wasted Time.
    1. Let go of the phone – start with taking it out of the bed. Your phone needs to sleep in the other room, not in the bed or on the bedside table. I made this change and the results are positive. (the phone was on the bedside table)

    2. Don’t touch your phone for the first 30 minutes of your day. Let your mind and your body refresh from the night’s sleep.

    3. Eliminate all of the “push” notifications on your phone and your desktop. This also includes your watch. I see many people distracted and looking at their smart watch for the text notifications during a meeting. It is unprofessional and inconsiderate.

    4. Drive your car without looking at your phone at stop lights. (No texting should not even be mentioned)

    5. Stop using your phone to occupy all of your free time. If you are standing in line at the grocery store, it is Ok to let your mind be unoccupied.

    6. Meals are Digital Free.

    7. Plan some wasted time each day without a screen in front of you. That includes a TV. Go workout, take a walk or have a conversation with your spouse, your children or take a bottle of wine and go visit a neighbor. I prefer reds however a chilled white will work this summer.
    Be honest
    You probably use your smartphone way more than you should, but you’re far from alone. It’s addictive checking social media, playing games and of course just staring down at it when you’re in a socially awkward situation.
    Try either taking the Apps off your phone or try one of these six apps to break your addiction.
    Tell me about your results of finding your Wasted Time.